Why You Only Need to Get Parenting Right 30% of the Time

I have a confession to make. I’m a psychotherapist, I work with children, and yet—I still have moments when I snap at my son.

It happens when the radio is blaring, the dog is barking, and I’m in the middle of cooking dinner. In those moments, I don’t always give him my best self or my full attention. And you know what? That’s okay.

Because parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about being human.

The Pressure to Get It Right

From supermarket tantrums to teenage mood swings, parents face daily moments that make us question whether we’re getting it all wrong. Social media is full of picture-perfect parenting, making it easy to feel like we’re falling short.

But before you sink into parental despair, I have good news. Research shows that we don’t need to get it perfect—not even close.

Dr. Dan Siegel, a leading researcher in child development and co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, has found that parents only need to get it right 30% of the time for their children to thrive.

Yes, you read that correctly.

That means you can mess up—quite a lot—and your child will still be just fine.

Why ‘Good Enough’ Parenting Works

Dr. Siegel explains that children don’t need a flawless upbringing to develop secure attachments. What they do need is a relationship that is responsive and attuned to their emotional needs.

Kids are resilient. They don’t expect us to handle every situation brilliantly or to always have the perfect response. They just need to see that we are trying, that we care, and that we are willing to repair when things go wrong.

In reality, no two children are the same. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another. What worked last week might not work today. And that’s okay. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. What truly matters is that, in the long run, we’re moving in the right direction.

The ABC Approach to Repair

So what should we do when we get it wrong? When we snap, when we lose our patience, when we don’t respond in the way we wish we had?

I recommend the ABC approach:

🅰 Apologise – Acknowledge when you’ve been snappy or distracted. Owning up to mistakes teaches children emotional responsibility.

🅱 Be Present – Put down your phone, turn off distractions, and really listen to what they’re saying.

🅲 Connect – Offer an age-appropriate explanation, reassure them of your love, and model what healthy emotional repair looks like.

For me, that might mean turning off the radio, putting the dog in the crate, and putting dinner on hold. Then, I sit down, apologise to my son, and listen—really listen—to what he needs from me. To finish, a hug or a pat on the back helps both of us reset.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

We live in a world where every misstep feels magnified. But the reality is, our children don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to show up, to try, and to repair when things go wrong.

On the days when you feel like you’re barely holding it together, remember Siegel’s rule: 30% is enough. And if you need a little extra help, the ABC approach is always there to guide you.

Even if you’re not getting everything right, you’re still doing more than enough.

And that’s what really matters.

Want to read more? My latest article on this topic is now live in Grazia UK!