Lets face it Parenting is hard! 

I have been a psychotherapist for over 25 years and specialise in managing a child's or teens behaviour and emotional struggles, yet my hardest role is managing my own kids! Of course it is. We never got a manual with our first born and if we did we would have to rip it up and start again when the next one came along. 

There are a number of reasons to why it’s so difficult - 

1. It’s hard for us to find a way to discipline our kids and while also trying to support them. This can be especially challenging when children are going through difficult phases or if our partner or grandparents are not on the same page. 

2. Dealing with a child's emotions:Children can experience a wide range of intense emotions, and it can be hard for us to know how to help them cope. From dealing with tantrums and meltdowns to helping children navigate more complex emotions like sadness and anger, it can be overwhelming for us as parents. Especially if we are struggling through a big life event at the same time, such as separation, a death in the family or even a move. 

3. Finding time for self-care: Parenting is a full-time job, and it can be easy for us to put their our needs aside in order to care for the kids. This can lead to feelings of burnout and overwhelm, making it difficult to find time to take care of us. 

4. Balancing work and family commitments: For those who work outside the home, finding a balance between your job and family can be difficult. It can be hard to find the time and energy to be fully present in both areas of their lives, which can lead to feelings of guilt or stress. Shona Rhymes (successful writer of Greys Anatomy, Scandal etc.) said 

“Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life,” she says in her speech. “If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I’m probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the tradeoff” 

It true we can’t have it all, it’s about recognising that and knowing there is a balance. I know that my working not only fulfils me as a person, but makes me a better partner and mother. It’s not about the work but the fulfilment, wherever you get it makes you a better parent even if sometimes that is at a cost to not being at a kids rugby match. We need to let go of the perfect parent image - IT DOES NOT EXIST, and neither should it. What kind of role models would we be for our kids? Overall, parenting can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, but it can also be challenging in many different ways. Every parent's experience is unique, and what one person finds difficult might be easy for another. 

How can we help each other? 

👉 Offer practical assistance: help out with tasks like grocery shopping, meal prep, or childcare. We used to swap kids so have friends kids overnight and then they would have ours, each of us getting a much-needed break. I can simply be taking in turns to collect from school or giving lifts to teens in turn.

👉 Provide emotional support: Be a listening ear and offer words of encouragement. Let parents know that they are doing a good job and that it is okay to ask for help. Be aware of really listening and not offering your advice or turning it around to you. We all feel better when we have been heard and our feelings validated

👉 Be patient and understanding with parents who are struggling, and try to offer support and encouragement rather than judgment. We have all been there when a toddler has thrown themselves on the floor in the supermarket or a teen has answered you back in the middle of a crowded room. There is many things hard about parenting but having that support network around you and leaning on it for help is how we get through. 

As humans we are wired for hard things, but we are not wired to do it alone. Ask for help, whether it’s a partner, extended family or friends at the school gates, ask for support - be that mutual support. We can do this if we do it together.