Tips for Sharing the Load at Home

Have you ever felt like you're always the go-to person for everything kid-related in your household? You might be experiencing what's been dubbed the "Default Parent Syndrome," and let me tell you, you're not alone. It's like being stuck in a never-ending loop of diaper changes, school runs, and meal prep. It could be you're the one the kids run to with homework, problems with friends or every time they are sick. While your partner gets to breeze through with occasional "fun parent" moments. I even changed sides of the bed so that if the kids (when they were smaller) woke up they would go to my hubby first, as he would be nearer the door. It didn’t work they would walk around to get to me. Let’s face it sometimes they would walk right past one parent to go on a hunt for the one that fulfills that need.

Why is the imbalance still there?

The whole "who does what" in parenting often boils down to old-school ideas about gender roles. You know, the whole mum-does-everything-at-home-while-dad-brings-home-the-bacon deal. It's like we're stuck in a time warp where mom's always the one on duty.

But it's not just about those outdated expectations. Sometimes it's also about what's going on in our heads. Like, maybe we've just fallen into this routine without even realising it. Or maybe we feel guilty if we're not constantly on top of everything. Sound familiar?

Plus, there are practical things at play too. Like how workplaces often make it easier for moms to take time off for kids, while dads are expected to just keep grinding away at work. And don't even get me started on the lack of affordable childcare options!

So there are lots of reasons why mums end up shouldering most of the parenting load. But here's the thing: it doesn't have to be this way. We can totally shake things up and create a more equal playing field.

It starts with talking it out with your partner. Like, really laying it all out on the table. How are you feeling? What do you need? And hey, don't be afraid to set some boundaries too. You're not superhuman, after all!

Then there's the whole divide-and-conquer approach. Sit down together and figure out who's good at what and who has the time to take on certain tasks. And hey, don't forget to get the kids involved too. They can totally help out around the house, even if it's just setting the table or picking up their toys.

But fear not, because there are ways to break free from this exhausting cycle and create a more balanced family dynamic.

First things first, let's acknowledge that families come in all shapes and sizes, and thank goodness for that. I have used traditional roles in the above examples, the important thing to remember is to ask yourself, whatever your beautiful family looks like are you the Default parent? Default Parent Syndrome is a real thing. It's not just in your head, and it's definitely not something to brush off. Once we recognise it, we can start taking action to change it.

Here are some action points you and your partner can tackle together:

• Divide and conquer: Sit down with your partner and make a list of all the tasks involved in running your household and caring for your kids. Then, divide them up based on each person's strengths, interests, and availability. It's all about playing to your individual strengths and sharing the load equally.
• Communication is key: Talk openly and honestly about how you're feeling and what you need. Don't be afraid to speak up if you're feeling overwhelmed or if you need more support. Remember, your partner can't read your mind, so it's important to communicate your needs clearly.
• Set boundaries: It's okay to say no sometimes. You don't have to be everything to everyone all the time. Set boundaries around your time and energy, and don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
• Lead by example: Show your kids that household chores and childcare are everyone's responsibility, not just mom's or dad's. Get them involved in age-appropriate tasks and teach them the value of teamwork and cooperation.
• Celebrate small victories: Changing ingrained habits takes time, so be patient with yourselves and celebrate the small victories along the way. Whether it's your partner taking the initiative to make dinner or your kids pitching in with laundry, every little bit counts.
• If you have to do the heavy lifting: Try a weekend thing! So when we lived abroad we had no choice as my hubby worked late and only got home in time to but them to bed, so tea and baths were down to me! That said, at the weekend he did the discipline and the heavy lifting, giving me more time to be the fun parent.

Remember, breaking the Default Parent cycle won't happen overnight, but with persistence, patience, and a whole lot of teamwork, you can create a more equitable and harmonious family life. So here's to sharing the load and reclaiming your sanity, one task at a time!

Ashley